AN AARDVARK FAMILY HISTORY
(a sort of potted history thing)
....a short story to explain the trance-like berserkness that I often find myself in, we must
go back to the days of the great aardvark known as Vern von Blurtmann - my great
great grandad - because he was the first Aardvark to
experience the almost legendary tortured battle frenzy
of the Karma-Buzz.
It came about when - so the story goes - one distant day he was nuttin' about the Northern territory of Ankarana - not doing anything, just mindin' his own - when WHAM! - three melts jump out of nowhere and ambush poor Verny.
The old lad didn't have a chance and they knocked him all over the show until he could fight no more. The melts tied him to a tree and generally started to torture him in the normal melty way (you know, things like sticking klag nuts right up his nose and feeding him their toe jam, childish things like that). But in this group of melts was one real vicious and inventive one who thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if you fed an aardvark an excessive amount of magic mushrooms and opium seeds mixed together.
At first the only visible effect was that Verny passed out. Seeing this, the melts lost interest and sat down around their fire. A few minutes passed, until suddenly there was an almighty CRACK! and deafening cry of "TOP BUZZ GEEZER!"
The startled melts turned around to see an aardvark wielding an uprooted tree trunk charging toward them spitting toe jam and klag nuts as he ran. After a few seconds all that remained was one bewildered aardvark and a huge Jackson Pollock painting entitled 'Three Melts'.
Verny eventually came down from the Karma Buzz but because the amount of 'medicine' was so great, it affected him for the rest of his life and all the way down the family chain. So, whenever one of my family sees a melt or something that resembles one, they just go into a Karma Buzz and kick it off.
That's probably why our family do's are so small.