Mett -aa Magik, it's so good you'll wish you were ill every day! This single bottle will cure anyfing, absolutely anyfing. It's so bloody good and advanced it will cure diseases what don't even exist yet. In fact when you take a swig of Mett -aa Magik you'll feel like a bull whale Lookin up da shore at a load of volup-shuss beached whale- cows on it - if you're a whale you'll catch my drift, he he he...
Err, yes, umm - well, let me enn- light -inn you wiff just some of daa bedwettin bumm-bitin in- finitt uses of Mett -aa Magik :
Do you find that baa- listaa bolt through your chest ; un-comff-table, emm-barrissin, unfashnable, inn-con- veen-ee- unt and sometimes juss irritatin and painful? Well by simply applyin a few drops of Mett -aa's concoction ( wiff its own pump-dispenser ) it will seem like itss part of you, you won't even know it's there ( if symptoms persist, like abb-dommnimal pain, inn-ternal or exterrnal bleedin or death, consult your GP ).
You're an ugly bastard right - bloody spots. Well, apply a few drops to a sandstone or coarse aa-brasive bark, and wiff viggerriss rubbin I fink you'll see surprisin results, you'll hard- lee reckanise yourselff. And why not use daa excess for an after-shave lotion, though personally I like me fur.
It's a traumatic time for you - your wife is bein burned alive to death at da stake. Mett -aa Magik has bin designed for juss such a situation : It won't cure fird digree burnns, but if you buy inuff you could put out the fire, whether it be a fune-err-al pyre or one of dem whicker animal fings, and have a nice little charcoal-stick in daa effigy of your favourite frend.
May-bee your husband's just gone and got his bloody head cut off, bitt inn-con-sidritt, but may-bee it be a public execution or in a battle, there's blood evrywhere - never fear, Mett -aa Magik's here, simply rub a bit in an anti-clock wise (direction very important) way and say daa magik words, 'there, there, there' and he' ll grow another one, and the medicine will shift any of those stubborn bloody stains, for a reddy- whiteness you' ll really like.
Mett -aa Magik int just for namby pamby cuts, grazes and minor abrasions, it's all-so a wonderful love potion - get a bit of this down er and you'll be off like a ferret down a rabbit'ole ( side effects will occur to some victims - sorry, I mean customers, but dat's all one of dem caviar empty latin-ee fings what means tuff luck iff you already bought it, isnit? And anyway, I got it off Snuurg, so if you got anny complaints take it up wiff him).
So rimm-emb-err, if it's painful, puss-ey or scab-bee, Mett -aa Magik will cure it and Snuurg will collect it to go wiff the rest of his lovely collection of skin diseases.
Why stop there, why not try Mett's other superb products ; like Mett -aa's Melt repellant - and if it dunt work first go, it can relieve da pain of death for up to six hours, wiv no sickness, drowsiness or other side effects.
Melts - ya hate'em,right? Me too, espeshly when dey fink it's really funny to run you over with their big tanks, or a really childish antic of doing a William Tell with a 3- ton shell, but why not really piss on their bonfire and surprise 'em with Mett -aa Millimatt anti- tank pills or Meaty Mett's shell repellant fur gell and body rub, just apply and watch them shells bounce off!
All Mett producks are garr- ann-teed, iff not den take it up in daa after- life.
for a last bitt of Mett-aa Magik, click onn da bun-bunn to make dis page diss-app-eer