HOW TO PLAY WEIRD-EE WORLD

first as wee all know, you jenn-err-ate make upp a char-ickter cree-cher you will spend much time writin creatin or draw-ee dee-scriptin - a charicter dat you love ann admy-err wiff much time. - which is a shame reall-ee cos Snuurg iss only gointa kill it (iff your luck-ee)

You then pay daa great lord (please can i hav a free turn) G.S. vasts amounts of gold , slaves , or lush- uss virginns , or failin that , gettim a pint at daa Nags 'ead - and fer all dis we gets him to humilirate , torr-ment , torture , lampoon , diss-grace , confuse, frustrate and bee beated upp and killed and wee still pay him to do this to our charickiters.

- what do you mean, not yours?

Any-ee- wayy , you commplete your turn and all excited send it off tellin in inn- trick- itt details how your best 'n brill and duff evryboddy upp . Now is daa time to produce lotsa stuff for daa NIBAD- fingy nightmares before your turn comes back again ann you find out you bin dead- ed by a ginormuss penis- demon , zapped by a neck-ro-manter that was your favey sword all along , and eatened by hoards of zomm-bees what perfuslee issue from out of a cup 'n sorcer on a drainin board you never saw. Bee-coss after all that you won't feel like doin any newslett -err stuff.

Speakin of which , here's how to do NIBAD STUFF - bein able to read ann rite- ee scrawl- lee ritt is help- full but its not nesser- serly benee- fishy sumfin- or- other : you can get by wiv aa few potato-print -ee doodles and bumm-marks and throw inn a few drawins too - dat's what I do-ee does.

Spelling for the likes of uss that can ritt -ee rite iss a very useful clause - if you write sumfink rilly nasty like 'snurg is a naught -ee sausage', bee- fore he kills you all over da place you can say you spelled it wrong cos it's meant to say ' your the bestest in the hole world ' - he' ll still kill you though but there's juss da slight -isst chance he might feel a lickle bit guilty afterwards. Probbly not though.

So, what can you do for the NBADI? Well there's the messages, where everybody writes in ann sezz summin nasty about everboddy else - opp-tee-mumm chance to try out daa spell- ee-wrong- fing as above. Exx-aa- lent ; if you can't ritt though may-bee you can draw a bit, evryone loves picc-ees either to draw themselfs wiff chalk, wax cayons, candles, or blood - or sim-plee to colour them in when they get the next -ee next issue coppy pappery foldy- fing.

Stories, who doesn't like a good yarn, and err, rhym-ee poetry finga mee jiggs - aa bit more trick-ee, long, space-consumin borin but help you read the mag quickerr.

Last of all, handy tips and that, tell everboddy what to do or what you know, might not bee much fer some people , but like what i done , anyway I coppied this word for word out of dat Jorrik's fing from the next issue coss of a claire- voi- ant.

my pett Corvus (upp top) is da only one who knows how to get out of ere , scratch his beak and ee might send you there . . .